Courtship: how long should it last — Nigerian Pilot News
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Courtship: how long should it last



For some courtship can last for a day, for others 2 years, Our Correspondent JOY IMISI examines how long courtship should last.
For an adult individual either male or female, the hunger to love someone and to be loved in return craws up on you without notice, coming with the need to get the right partner, the need to build relationships, how long should to relationship last, what rules should apply in the relationship and ultimately does it have the tendency to hit the goal of till death do us part, runs through your mind at a stage in life.

Youths have however south for different way to find the most compatible partner for themselves through friendship, dating and courtships.
Prior to this time, when two young people had grown to ripe marriageable age, their parents were usually always involved in picking partners for their children which we can term “trial relationships” leading up to marriage were two strangers, married, fell in love and had offspring’s within a very short period of time. In some cases the brides to be met their husbands on the wedding day for the first time.
Some have argued that it was simpler and less complicated, devoid of drama and sexual immorality, while others say a lot of women ended up coping and living a loveless marriage all through their life time.
In the earlier 1800s, young adults were expected to court with the intention of finding a marriage partner, rather than for social reasons. In more traditional forms of Christianity, this concept of courtship has been retained, with John Piper defining courtship and distinguishing this concept from dating, stating that courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the woman’s father, and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate. Courtship always has marriage as its direct goal.
As technology and the world evolved into a digital age, even dating and marriage was not left behind as most young people now date, court their partners before marriage. Some even go as far as reproducing in the relationship before they get married.
Courtship is the period of development towards an intimate relationship wherein a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively “court” or “woo” a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage.
For dating which happens lots of times, and ends in many hurts, heartbreaks, scars, and if you’re lucky, a partner that just may stay with you for the next few years, or if you are really lucky the rest of your life, courting on the other hand should only happen once and ends in a life-long covenant relationship.
The average duration of courtship varies considerably throughout the world, there is vast individual variation between couples. Like we said earlier, Courtship may be completely omitted, as in cases of some arranged marriages where the couple do not meet before the wedding.
In the United Kingdom, a poll of 3,000 engaged or married couples resulted in an average duration between first meeting and accepted proposal of marriage of 2 years and 11 months, with the women feeling ready to accept the marriage proposal at an average of 2 years and 7 months. Regarding duration between proposal and wedding, the UK poll above gave an average of 2 years and 3 months.
Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner.
We spoke with Mrs Nanko Kumbin, a marriage counsellor who stated that for every intending marriage couples that comes to meet with her for counselling, it is believed that they must have dated and are courting for at least 1 year, before considering that you want to get married.
According to her, Courting affords couples the opportunity to get to know each other better, communicate, spend time with each other as such dating in the sight of God is expected to be transparent, holy and devoid of sexual immoralities.
Lamenting on the way some youths have spoilt the motive behind courtship, Nanko added that during courtship, couples are more likely to communicate their dreams and vision, how compactable they are to eachother, their long term goals, but some people have turned it into an opportunity to indulge in all things married couples do like, the lady washing the mans clothes, sleeping over at his house, cooking his meals and some satisfying eachothers sexual desires.
She however noted that courtship takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all, no touching, no kissing until marriage.
According to Emmanuel, A year at the least is good enough for courtship to last. Reasons being that if it goes longer than that, it may become too boring for both partners and the tendency for the relationship to lack spice may come in. Also, when the courtship is long, there is the trend for over familiarity to come into the relationship and for some ladies, they stop respecting the man as it appears like he is not willing to commit fully to the relationship.
We also spoke with Shalma who said once you are convinced that you know the person well enough, then the courtship is complete which may be two days or even a week.
‘‘ You may court someone for a five years and still not know the persons true character until marriage. What I advice is that look for someone that you are compatible with and marry the person, because no one is perfect, not even you’’ he said.
In all courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.

PLEASE QUOTE: In all courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.

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