The institution of marriage as it is widely known is the coming together of a matured male and female who have agreed to spend the rest of their lives together with the aim of having a home and for companionship. This is the simple definition of marriage known in most of the religions practised in the country.
However, owing to the economic situation of the country, it is not a rare sight to see married couple leaving apart not because they like it but because of the kind of job they do, since they both have to contribute to the effective running of the home.
This was what Tony had in mind when he got his first job in Lokoja while his family remained in Abuja until he got the news that his wife was engaged in an extra marital affair because of her emotional needs. Then he saw the need to have a re-think on his decision to choose between keeping his job and his family.
This is the situation of so many couples leaving apart. This kind of distance relationship has an adverse effect on the effective running of the home and the environment which the members of the family live. People usually say that distance relationship brings respect and to some extent chastity. That may be true in relationship but in marriage there is a difference. For married couples who leave in different places there is negative impact it has on the effective running of the home which in the long run affects the members of the home.
The fact that people want to earn a living they should also bear in mind that their decision have a negative impact on the home. Some of the negative impact of married couple living apart may not have an immediate effect but at the long run the result will begin to show forth in the marriage. Here are some of the disadvantages of married couple living separately.
The first negative impact is the breach in effective communication. The couple may no longer communicate effectively. Yes even with the coming of the mobile phones and all forms of communication through the social media, for the married couple sometimes there is a need for frequent face to face interaction between the couple which because of the distance, cannot be done. Also there are some issues in the home which may need urgent attention but because of the distance such issues cannot be addressed. This is because the communication over the phone does not help as sometimes the needed for the couple to sit and discuss issues, see each other’s body language cannot be achieved on the phone.
Another disadvantage of separate living is that partners may begin to develop doubt among them that will later lead to the lack of trust between them. They may feel that since they do not see often. This happens to couples who have issues of distrust in the past. The distance may begin to reopen such issues again.
The lack of trust can lead to a dent in the mutual relationship of the couple. The relationship between them may not be smooth as it ought to be there by creating an atmosphere for assumptions on issues that concerns the running of the home.
The dent in the relationship can lead to lack of mutual respect between the couple. Since there is a distance, each partner may decide to do things without the consent of the other which at the long run may lead to problems in the home. This is so because of the ego in the man and feeling to be relevant in the woman both partner may feel hurt and cheated by the actions of the other.
The main negative impact of parents living apart is the impact it has on the children. For the proper upbringing of the child there is a need for the constant present of both parents is needed. There are times when the children need the shield and strong will of the father to curb the child from deviating at such times if the father is away, then there is a loop hole.
Also there are times when the child needs the affection and attention of the mother and if she is not there crisis may arise. The child especially at the puberty stage where there is a need for a close watch of both parent when one is absent, then there is a problem. Both parents have roles that God imbedded in them that if it is lacking at the time that it is needed it could lead to crisis and have a lasting effect on the child.
Another negative impact of couples leaving apart is the emotional traumas that both the husband and wife go through in their respective stations. There are times that the spouses need each other to attend to their emotional needs but since they do not leave together, they are left to manage the challenge. Also there are times when the woman especially needs a listening ear of her husband especially when there is a pressing issue, at those critical moments when the couple are separated it tells on them.
Furthermore, it can lead to the couple involved in extra marital affairs. This is because of the emotional need of the spouses; they tend to look for solace in the wrong places which lead them to having this unholy affair especially when they get the attention and affection that they need from someone else.
Extra marital affair can lead to selfishness in the marriage. If the spouse seems to get the satisfaction from outside the marriage, he or she may not attend to the emotional needs of his partner. They may not have primary concern for the each other again owing to the fact that they are getting comfortable or used to not seeing themselves.
The jostling the couples involve in is also very risky. The moving from place to place just to be with their spouse could put their life at risk. The bad roads and the insecurity involved in traveling through any means of transportation will make the spouses always nervous especially when they know they have someone on the road.
The purpose of marriage, however, is for communion between partners, and for companionship. Each partner has gifts and distinct contributions to make to the home peaceful and conducive. There is a need for both partners to leave together as it will help to imbibe good values into the children of the home and in turn help the society get rid of the rising violence in the society. Every parent has a role to play in the proper upbringing of the child and the effective running of the home.