Whoever finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favour from the Lord. Proverbs 12 verse 4: A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
No one plays a significant role in meeting a man’s unique needs as his wife. Researchers have identified his needs, but only his wife can truly satisfy them. Some of the husband’s most basic needs in marriage are: to be admired, to have autonomy, and to enjoy shared activity.
When a woman seeks appreciation, she more accurately wants to be understood, to be validated. Men derive their worth more from what they do, while women derive their worth more, from who they are.
As it were, the husband has the dutiful role of shielding his wife from the pressures of the world so she can perform her God-given role more perfectly. It is not God’s plan for the woman to divide herself into separate worlds as mother and provider. She has a full time job as the caretaker of love in the family. She should not be engaged in the worries of the man’s world.
For a wife to be holy, she must be obedient to God’s Word and obey her husband. One of the most widely misunderstood concepts of marriage today is that of submission. Many women think they should have an equal role in authority in marriage or even more than their husbands.
They think that wives who submit to their husbands should become more “enlightened.” The wife who resists her husband’s authority will lack peace in the home and
have many problems with the children who, like her, will rebel against authentic christian principles.
Succinctly, women who are submissive to their husbands are happy and there is order and peace in their homes. The husband is happy and the children are a joy to both of them. God wants us all to be happy.
He knows one will not be happy unless one lives the life as God designed our role to be. Women who think submission to their husbands is a life of a silent slave or as one who has no input into the marriage are totally missing the message of submission.
When there is a successful marriage, carrying one another’s burdens, even as heavy as the death of a child, when husband and wife are truly one in Christ, as God’s word calls for, then they will help one another. Couples who have become one will come closer to God whatever the problems that may come, even in tragedies as great as death. At the time of great trials special grace from God is needed, and it will be granted when both are open to the grace of holy matrimony. The above thoughts are based on Ephesians 5:21-33.
However, Nigerian Pilot correspondent in Asaba went to town and sought the opinions of people in Delta State, and had this to say
Okoye Hope Nkiruka, Executive Director of an NGO known as Integrated Anti-Woman Trafficking and Community Development Initiative(INTERCOM AFRICA) and Secretary Child Protection Network said “it is not proper, when people do not know the use of a thing, abuse is inevitable. Even scripture talks about when you lord things over people, it is just a privilege on the part of the woman that she picks the family bills. Husband and wife are one already so you are not looking at it because the man is unable to fend for the family.
“I cannot even support it for any reason, that God gave you the privilege because the man could not do it but you are the one, if the woman actually loves the man, she is there actually to help him. If you actually love somebody you will think about that person first, not you and you will not start thinking in that way. Your husband should be your best friend. Is she now looking at herself as the head of the family? The truth is that if she goes on like that, she may really loose that marriage and it will not be for the best interest of the children in that home. Any woman doing that lacks understanding and she does not actually understand what marriage is all about. The man may wake up tomorrow and pick up his responsibilities again, the woman should make it easier for her husband,” she stated.
On her part, Faith Nwadishi, Executive Director of an NGO Konyelum Immala Foundation averred that it is not proper for a wife to lord it over her husband because she picks the family bills and also, it is not proper for a husband to lord it over his wife because he picks the family bills. Well, in an African setting, the man is supreme, so it is the responsibility and duty of every woman to be submissive. Even Jesus Christ with all the powers he had, he was submissive, that is why we keep talking about him. It is a difficult thing to do, it is just a tramline especially if you are the one that is paying all the bills and all that, but the most important thing is that respect is very necessary for one another.”
Also speaking, Mr. Ellias Chukwuemeka, a Teacher, opined that” it is not proper at all. The reason is that from the world go, it is instituted already that the man is the head of the family, so the fact that the woman at the moment is providing for the family does not mean she will remain to provide for the family. It can always fall over to either of the couple. Again, they are united, they are now husband and wife, the Bible has said it already that the woman should always be submissive to her husband, whether she likes it or not, the man is already the head of the house. Let her not pop her head because she provides for the family, because if you check it properly from wherever she is getting the money; the office, directly or indirectly there are men there who may be her head, and she still obeys them, if she obeys them why not her husband. So as far as I am concerned, it is not proper”.
Whereas Mrs. Chika Efenudu, a business woman in Delta State, stated that nobody should insult the other because ‘he who plays the piper dictates the tune’. If the man is paying the bills, he should not lord it over his wife. If it is the woman that pays the bills, it is only fair that she dictates how the finances is run. It is only proper if she picks the family bills and dictates how the money should be spent, but lording it on her husband is not proper whether it is the man or the woman.
Also contributing, Mrs. Eucharia Nzeabi, a public servant in Delta State said,” it is not proper because it is stated in the Bible that wives must respect their husbands because they are the head of the family. Even though the woman is getting money more than the husband, that does not mean she has every reason to suppress the husband. She has to give him that respect due to him so that God will equally bless her in that situation. Then, if it is the man that picks the family bills, he should equally respect his wife, not by calling her names that her mates also provide for their families.
“Many men do have more money than their wives, but some will not spend it on their families, they spend it instead on their girl friends out there, so I urge couples to help one another in providing for their families to allow peace, growth, amongst others to prevail in their homes”.

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