Why women marry these days with their virginity already broken. What was it then and why it was preferred then. Why the new trend? Is it better to marry a virgin or the other way round, writes correspondent, Anastacia Eluwa
Back in the days, being a virgin was highly revered among different ethnic groups in Nigeria. Some even placed high premium on it, hence they rewarded any girl that keeps herself pure before marriage. The first night with the husband was always anticipated, as the bed sheet used by the couple was examined to see if there was blood stain, indicating the breaking of the girl’s virginity by her husband. Husbands were proud that their wives kept themselves pure before marriage. A woman who was disvirgined by her husband was highly respected by his family.
In some towns, the husband would take a gift to the father of the girl to thank him for his ‘wonderful’ daughter.
But presently, because of high craze for modernization in the country, virginity according to many is now old school as most young girls’ even boasted that they have known boys as early as 15 years of age or before getting married. Even, the boys or men when they toast you and you refused to succumb to their sexual offering, they call the girls names; such as they have not arrived and so on. Even if you are still a virgin, people refuse to believe you because of what has been going on in the country.
The high quest for money or material wealth by girls and boys that have not come of age is quite worrisome; hence, someone sees herself or himself a virgin when she or he has never had sexual intercourse, or sometimes, one who has never engaged in any sexual activity at all. So virginity is the state of being a virgin. But it is always applied to girls or ladies only, because the society is the men’s world.
However, speaking to Nigerian Pilot Sunday, Mr. Odo Innocent a vulcaniser from Ebonyi state, said women marry these days with their virginity already broken due to bad home training. According to him, then these children obeyed their parents, but now they think that they are matured and have the right to do anything they want.
In those days it wasn’t like that, but presently women marry with their virginity already broken because their parents allow them to behave as they want. Both parents will be looking for money with neither of them having the time to teach those children good morals, none of them will stay at home to take care of these children, hence leaving them in the hands of caregivers who can teach them anything they like. As I know now, there is no virgin again because I cannot trust anyone now who says she is a virgin.
But according to Mrs. Eunice Okolo, a school teacher, she argued that one reason is that of low class status of parents of some girls; because of the new trend in life, the children imitate the lifestyles of their friends from rich parents. They feel uncomfortable because they don’t get most of the things they would have at home. And one quick means of getting this problem solved is by going out through the sure means of either selling what they have to get what they want. That is why; it is almost every girl you see on the streets that is not a virgin. Because what they have as a working tool is their virginity, so they give it out in exchange for money in order to get what they want’.
For instance, a young lad who spoke in guise of anonymity revealed thus: “I have dated a seventeen year-old girl in recent past, and I am aware that she did not begin like that. But when I was courting with this girl, I learnt that the sole reason she was doing that was to meet up and not that he liked me or not. So I feel that this scarce commodity which is virginity is going to remain very scarce until God intervenes. So the remedy to it is good parental upbringing, and sex education is the key, but apart from that, if there is a way the state government can step up the life and the economy of the country, they can help to reduce the high level of prostitution in the country.
For Mr. Paul Ayarama, a 200 level student of the University of Benin city, it is better to marry a virgin because a virgin has moral and good character, but some people feel that a non virgin girl has had some experience and so, the sexual part of her life is assured.
Mr. John Akore, also a student of the University of Benin, argue that some people prefer to marry non virgins because they believe that apart from sexual experience, they also have experience with relationships. So they think that virgin girls who have tested life will value a relationship if they see one.
Also lending his voice is Mr. John Dickson. According to him, since the world we live in is now a sexualized world, people tend to date girls before marriage and they are more concerned about their lives. They tend to ascertain if they are compatible sexually with their would- be wives before marriage and so they prefer to marry non virgins because of the new trend of relationship nowadays.
Miss Onyinye Okakwu an auxiliary Nurse resident in Asaba pointed out that in Nigeria now, every girl wants to belong to the new trend. They feel that if you are a virgin, it means that you are not wise but crude. Sometimes many things will make a girl to lose her virginity. They are; poor parental upbringing, family problem, lack of parental care, amongst others, would make one to lose her virginity. For instance, a girl that managed to enroll into the institution of higher learning without anybody to cater for her is susceptible to breaking her virginity. “I have an elder sister that was a virgin before she entered the higher institution, but for some time while she was at her 400 level, the money her parent used to send to her was not enough for her. So she suddenly decided to follow her friends to do as they do, thereby losing her virginity because of different problems being encountered on a daily basis.
Speaking further she explained that most men in the country do not like girls with their virginity intact, they prefer girls with their virginity broken.
Mrs. Joyce Oghenekaro a businesswoman averred that it is better to marry a virgin because it will not give room for childlessness since she is a virgin, there will be no infection, HIV/AIDs affecting the lady. Again the man she will marry will respect her, but although some men these days don’t care because they were expecting it, it is like a routine something in Nigeria that men are no longer expecting ladies to be virgins because everybody even want to test. All they want is let me see it today, instead of waiting patiently for their wedding night. So, it is the way the society is right now. This issue of a woman retaining her virginity is very important, but it is unfortunate that nowadays, most girls and ladies have their virginity broken before marriage. Though, sometimes it is not a willing act, but due to difficulties of life, some lose their virginity when they were tender, for instance, my girl friend told me that she grew up to see that she is not a virgin without knowing how it happened. She had a very challenging upbringing and background.
Also speaking on the issue, Mr. Obaro Elelewor, a Public Servant said that given the political situation in the country, some women force their female children to befriend big men in the society in order for them to make much money from them, thereby letting them break their virginity before marriage.
It is the same blame game for Mrs Peace Ubebe a Civil Servant, who said she does not blame most people because some don’t have mothers to train them in the right way or offer advice to them. Some are orphans who do not have good parenting background at their tender age. Also, she argued that the type of friends some make lead them to becoming wayward by going to places that can lead them to bad social life. In addition, the people that brought them up in place of their dead mothers do not care for them and so they do it in the way their peers have educated them.
But crowning the argument, Nkiru Okoye, a businesswoman, pointed that it is better to marry a virgin lady because you will be able to bear anything she may do to you since you are the one that broke her virginity. Also, to prevent her from contacting sexually transmitted diseases, amongst others.