It is one common factor that men shy away from marriage but the fact still remains that it is a divine commandment that man shall leave his mother and father and glue to his wife and for both to live with each other for the rest of their lives.
These days, however, men shy away from marriage because of some flimsy reasons, which are not rooted in the African tradition. Ordinarily, a man meets a girl but after sometime and for no reason or some flimsy excuses, when the girl mentions the word marriage, the man will give some excuses as to the reason why it may not hold now.
From investigations, some men would feel that marriage is a form of personal restriction to their freedom and therefore shy away from it. Some do so because of the needed financial obligation while others feel they are being tied down to just one woman in their lives. Yet, some because of series of divorces and fear of being hurt due to heart break feel that if they are committed to a woman, they may be hurt.
This assumption boils down to fear of bondage, fear of dissatisfaction and happiness. But critics say it is time to get things understood because commitment in marriage is never bondage; it is rather freedom from several women out there.
In a submission, 31-year-old Ebiowe Yabrifa is of the opinion that Bayelsa men must instil discipline in themselves before delving into marriage. You
must have a permanent job, have a good apartment of your own, and a level of comfort before hooking up.
Being a bachelor, one can always dine and wine out any time with any beautiful girl, but not so simple in marriage.
Brown Esiri, 35, believes that it is not easy to run a home. According to the Bible, cohabitation is sin. When you befriend a young girl and live with her without proper wedding, it’s wrong because any crisis may occur. It is good to prepare very well before attempting marriage, so that people will not mock you.
Powade Kio, 36, who sees nothing good from Bayelsa women, said it is not that men shy away from marriage but that most girls have their bad characters. Many of them look for ready-made husbands but rarely succeed. Many marriages these days are make-shirt. When things stop going well they are ready to break the marriage and they don’t care because of material things. So the guys who have the ugly experiences are not ready to marry anymore; rather they prefer playing with girls.
Ebiere Igwe, 31, feels that marriage is a restraint to his life. He thinks that when he is married, the issue of a restricted freedom will start. “If I marry now, my wife will not allow me to go out again to club as
I want, so let me flex as I like before I marry.”
Mr. Chinedu Wosu is of the opinion that it is not easy to marry. He said men shy away from marriage because of several factors. Some of the factors could be economical, social or psychological. For example, economical in the sense that most men don’t have jobs, and the way men live is different from the way women live. A man will go to school, finish from there and hunt for jobs. You will get job, settle down and start paying back again to the family. A lot of dependants are there to feed and your family before you get married. So it is not easy, for a man to wake up tomorrow and say he wants to marry.
There is this factor of psychological problem which also sometimes forces a man to say that he is too young to marry: ‘let me flex and enjoy myself. I need to live a certain level, a certain strata in the society, I must have a car, build a house, I must have up to N2 million in my bank account before I marry’.
In this context, you see a man walking on the street, he might be 30, 35, 40 years and no marriage because there are lots of expectations he wants from the society before getting a wife.
Unlike a woman, at the age of 12 they are already looking for a man to marry. For example, look at what is happening in Zamfara State where about 800 are after husbands. So the way men think is different from the way women think.
Marriage should not be a do or die affair because it involves a life time association – for better, for worse. I don’t call a marriage contract from the part of the world I come because once you are married, it is ‘till death do us part’.
Once you are married and you start having children, there is the ‘full and push factor’ where the parents of the girl demand from their in-law and the parents of the spouses also demand from the husband and wife.
This is part of the crises in marriage and the bread-winner must be prepared to withstand the challenge, which is normal.
My advice is that, for a man to be responsible and respected in the society, please get married on or before the age of 30 because the Holy Bible says that, he that finds a woman, finds a good and obtains favour from God. In order to enjoy that good thing, get married.


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